And yet I felt like I needed to sit down for a few minutes and get these thoughts on "paper."
Because I know there are people out there that are having similar days, and honestly-without support this year, I'm not quite sure where I would be. So maybe there is someone out there who needs to read this.
So as I finish up my oatmeal and pumpkin spice latte. (and yes, I am having a lot of these lately-it's my one vice in this pregnancy), and the house is eerily quiet for once-here goes.
Yesterday was a doozy.
I'm not even quite sure where to start.
So let's start here....
http://momastery.blogspot.com/2011/08/boo-august-boooooo.html
(I dont know how to insert links, so you'll have to trust me and just cut and paste the link above. Take a few minutes to read it. Seriously...)
Anyway, I read this post from a favorite blogger of mine a few weeks ago, and while I COMPLETELY "got it," and laughed hard for hours afterwards, I remember thinking, "Wow....I havent had one of THOSE days in a quite a while!" I've been sort of proud of myself for keeping things together (for the most part) this summer. Pregnancy and a newborn has definitely been challenging, but somehow I've made it. And now, entering my final trimester-I can see the finish line (or is it really the starting line? Let's not think about that today).
And I've been super proud of my 4 year old for handling all that life has thrown his way in the past few months. His resiliency has surprised me, even though I've seen countless children face things like cancer and death and turmoil for years and am always amazed at how they do it....Still, watching my own son push through what has been the most challenging time in his little life thus far has been awe inspiring.
But yesterday was NOT. It started out fine. Good even...For the first time, both kids slept over 10 hours without waking up. "Hallelujah" is what I posted on my FB site before I even got out of bed. And perhaps that was the problem. I was a bit too laid back going into the day.
Those of you that know me, know that having a clean house is most certainly not on my list of priorities. However, I have been making a concerted effort to be more "Organized" this fall, in preparation for what the New Year will bring with 3 kids. I've had Hollister's lunch and school bag for the next day packed well in advance, bottles are prepared in advance for Hope. I've stayed on top of the dishes better than usual, and only lost my keys a handful of times-which is a record in itself.
So I thought the day, (following 8 full hours of sleep) was going to be a great one.
Hollister had other plans.
Maybe it was my own fault. I started out the day slowly, still high on the fact that we had all slept. Dan was out of town though and I forget how much he helps out in the morning. And Hollister just took my lack of structure and ran....seriously, he RAN. All over the house, all morning. Would not put shoes on, clothes on, pick up toys...you know the drill. Typical 4 year old stuff. But my typical discipline techniques were not working and I resorted to yelling and bargaining and everything else that I know does not work with him.
Until we were finally in the car and not speaking...Both of us hudddled in our corners shooting each other daggers in the rearview mirror. I refused to play "Beat It" (though now that I think about it, that would have been sort of appropriate) for him-which has been our usual morning song on the way to school. I tried to pull it together before we got to the school, even stopping to ask him to pray with me as we sometimes do when I feel the need. Instead he hummed the melody to "Don't Worry, Be Happy" througout the entire prayer, so I finally stopped and told him that I was just going to talk to God alone (in my head) and he could not listen. (Mature Amy, Real Mature).
But the time he got out at the carpool line (after I yelled one last time because he tried to get out of the carseat before we pulled up), a quick kiss and hug were about all I could muster. I thought of sticking a note in his bag for the teacher to let her know that his day was off to a rough start, but could not even round up enough energy for that.
I promptly drove to my neighbor Karen's house where breakfast and coffee were waiting. (God, I love her!). She let me vent for a good hour and then sent me on my way with a new pumpkin candle. (Did I mention that I love her?).
I was ready to start over.
I managed to get quite a bit done and spend some time with Hope, and then headed to pick up Hollister after lunch, hoping...so hoping that the afternoon would be better.
Then I opened his folder...and it was there...The dreaded incident report! I've been waiting on it for 3 weeks. As many of you know-I held onto high hopes that Hollister would get into our local public montessori school this year. He almost made it. He was #5 out of over 200 kids on the wait list. I've felt strongly that this approach to learning was the absolute best fit for Hollister. He just does not learn "traditionally" and it's so hard to find a school (especially preschool) that is able and willing to adapt to all learning styles. He's super smart...but sitting for long periods of time is not his thing. Anyway, that's a whole NOTHER post for another time. Let's just say, I have been pleasantly surprised with how well the last 3 weeks have gone in preschool. BUT lets just say that Hollister was sent to what is equal to the principals office in preschool yesterday. YIKES!!!
And it just got worse from there. We were just not on the same page. We got home. He went for a nap (where he proceeded to dump out over 100 books on the floor, and pull off all of his clothes instead of sleeping). I proceeded to eliminate over half of his toys, the ones he loves the most and stay calm. When he woke up, things were not much better. As I vented to my friend Jennifer on the phone, he proceeded to stomp up and down on Hope's teething toy and laughed hysterically when I reprimanded him. EVIL he was yesterday... EVIL.
Let me say that I know this day is not unusual for many people. I know it was a typical "mom" day. But in the midst of all of this, keep in mind that walking up and down the stairs has me a bit winded these days and I've also been dealing with 3 month old who's teething and does not like to nap. I'm not having a pity party...Okay, well maybe I am...but what I am trying to say is that it was just ONE OF THOSE DAYS. And everything had me on edge. Especially my 4 year old monster.
Of course, he did fabulous in his Martial Arts class. He loves some Mr. George and as I watched him stand up straight, calling out "YES SIR" and sitting quietly with his hands in his lap, I realized that the problem was ME. Not my lack of organization or motivation or even my short temper. But the way that I was choosing to respond to him. He's 4!!
And I decided there to just let it go for the day. Thank goodness my small group was having Women's Night and the fabulous guys in the group had offered to watch my kids, even though Dan was out of town. I was able to get a pedicure and dinner with some fabulous ladies before heading back to pick up my 2 sleepy children.
It didnt get better from there though. The night ended up with Hollister spitting water in my face and me stomping out the door without saying goodnight. A fine end to an already awful mother/son day.
But an hour later (when the house was more "organized" and I everything laid out for today), I went back into his room and and laid down beside him. As I watched him breathing in and out and felt his sweaty forehead (from crying so hard because I had left the room), I asked God to give us a better today today. It's not often that my bad days bump heads with his bad days, but the truth is that life is not perfect and our family has gone through a lot of change over the past few months. It stands to reason that some days are just going to be like that. And how I choose to respond makes all the difference.
I did not respond well yesterday. Things that normally don't matter did all of the sudden. Perhaps instead of posting on FB at 7:15, I should have started my day out with some quiet time with God. Someone once said to me that when you are not spending time with Him, your other relationships will suffer. And maybe I just need to go easier on myself and my family a little. As the blogger in the post above suggested, I'm trying not to feel guilty for those days that JUST ARE WHAT THEY ARE.
Okay, enough....I'm not really even sure what this post was about, but perhaps there was something worthwhile in there...
If not, Oh well. I'll just blame it on hormones.
Up next....How this ones worms her way into my heart more and more every day...
How can you resist this....
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