Hope is Here

Well as most of you know, we welcomed a new member into our family last week!

Hope Aimelia Marie was born on May 31st at 4:52pm.
She weighed 7 pounds 11 ounces and was 20 inches long.

Dan and I were able to be in the delivery room as she made her much anticipated entrance into this world.

And oh, how it was anticipated....

I've attempted to update this blog so many times since the first week of April. I'd get on here with something new to say about Hollister, and then I would just freeze. It felt so weird to write about what was going on in our life on the surface, when there was SO much going on behind the scenes.

The world of adoption is a tricky one, and so not the journey that Dan or I had ever anticipated traveling. As you know, it began for us back in October when we first signed on with a consultant. By December, our homestudy was done, FBI checks were back, and we were ready to be matched. This began 4 months of waiting...sending our profile book out to various birthmoms who "matched" our criteria. It's an odd thing, the waiting. It was hard not to feel like a failure each time a birthmom did not choose us, and yet we were confident that it was just leading us closer to "our" baby.

The details of our match will one day be Hope's to share, but the summary is that initially we were not chosen to be her adoptive parents. Then a chain of events took off and with the help of an incredible small group and several good friends and family who prayed us through several big decisions-we finally decided to take a leap of faith and go with it...However, we were hesitant to make a big announcement about our match because in the world of adoption, you just never know if it's going to happen or not. And while we felt reasonably sure that her birthparents would not change their mnds, there was always a chance. We did not want to get everyone excited and then have to say, "oops...not going to happen after all." This was what made it hard to blog about our everyday lives. The adoption was such a big part of "everyday" but I didnt really want to talk about it much yet.

Hope's birthparents are from Tacoma, Washington, so from the beginning-things were a bit more difficult than we planned. We knew virtually no one out here, travel was much more expensive cross country and suffice it to say that the logistics were not easy. Her birthmom had strong signs of labor for several weeks, so we stayed on call-hoping that should she go into labor, we would still make it in time to be in the delivery room. (As they had requested).

In the end, we decided to head out here the 3rd week in May. Dan found us a great corporate apartment for a wonderful price, and our dear friend Mica offered to come and sit with Hollister when Hope was born so we could both be at the hospital for a few days. Dan came out a day ahead of Holl and I and got things set up and then we flew afterwards.

And then we waited....

It was another week until Hope was born. Something we were not counting on. Time off from work (for both of us), a new environment for Hollister....Losing a week was not in our plans. You cant rush babies.

But thank goodness for some last minute family time together, Mica helping me stay sane, and several opportunities to get to know Hope's birthfamily a little better (even got to go to a doctors appt. with her and hear her heartbeat). Things work out the way they are supposed to, regardless of what we have planned.

And finally....a week after we arrived, Hope was here!

She is absolutely beautiful. As I sit here tonight watching her sleep, I feel incredibly blessed. (Oh and I'll post more pics later. Right now-I forgot to bring the cable to connect to the camera).

Many of you have asked why we are still (after 9 days). Well, again-that will someday be part of Hope's story to share, but basically her birthmom was on some doctor prescribed medication during pregnancy that some babies wind up being addicted to. We were hopeful, that Hope would show no signs of withdrawal (many babies do not), but that wound up not being the case. We had done a lot of research ahead of time, and while we knew there were no long term side effects of the medication, we also knew that if she did begin to show signs of withdrawal, that we could be in for a longer than average stay. Most of the research I did, showed an average of 7-10 days. Once we got out here, we found out that this hospital has a much longer "average" stay. Talk about a shock. 5 minutes before she was born (literally), we found out that she could be here around 6 weeks if she showed signs of withdrawal.

Needless to say, we were hoping for none of those signs. Initially she rallied and did well, but as her first 12 hours passed, some of the basic side effects began and we realized she would indeed go through withdrawal.

The way it works is this: Every 3 hours she receives a dose of medicine to help "wean" her. At each 3 hour mark the nurse goes down a list of "symptoms of withdrawal" and checks off any that Hope has had in the previous 3 hours. They vary from repetitive sneezing, excessive sweating, high heart rate, general fussiness,  lack of appetite, etc..As you can see, many of them are things a normal newborn would do so the scoring is very subjective. She is allowed 8 freebie points every 3 hours. This is to allow for some wiggle room since every nurse scores differently. If she stays under an 8 for 24-48 hours, then they wean her 10%, (so a very slow process). If she goes over an 8 at any point, they hold off weaning.

It's been a very frustrating process. Each nurse is different and they all seem to have different levels of experience with this. In addition, Hope loves to be held and does much better on her scores if someone is with her. I'm currently up at the hospital with her abou t14 hours a day, but even that is exhausting. I cant "room in" so I catch naps in a rocking chair and head back to the apartment when I can for short 4-5 hour breaks here and there. Over the past few days she was rocking the scoreboard while I was here, staying around 4 on her point scale. But repetitively, the 5-6 hours I would leave at night, her scores would jump up above 8. This was usually caused by the fact that the night nurses could not hold her as much, so she would start crying, which would raise her heart rate, make her sweat and then her temp would rise. All things she gets "points" for. It made it look like she was not responding well to the current dose of medication. So they would not wean her. Talk about a cycle.

I have a whole new appreciation for the parents of the oncology patients I have worked with for years. I know we could have it so much worse, but right now-being away from my family (Dan and Holl headed back to Charlotte earlier this week), and living off of minimal sleep while trying to advocate for what's best for my daughter has been so hard. The thought of possibly not being home for Hollister's 4th birthday, missing the week of camp that I have worked so hard to plan over the past year, not having my friends here...overwhelmed is the best way to describe it.


Yet there are small moments of beauty in the midst of this:

In the communication I have had with the mother of a nurse I knew back in Charlotte who lives here. Who offered to help with Hollister if we needed her. Who has offered to take me to lunch and has bought a gift for Hope even though she has never met us.

In the new friendship I have established up here at the hospital. Being invited to a movie and lunch, just so I could get out for a while.

In the willingness of a high school friend (who lives in Seatlle) to offer to open her home to me if needed, and come and keep me company if I need it.

In the generosity of Mica...the closest thing I will ever have to a sister. To give up days with her children to be here with me when I most needed it.

In the cheerful voice of my new friend who works in the deli downstairs and who promised me the first time I tried one of his pizzas that I would be back daily to get another. (And if it werent for the fact that Dan would kill me for spending money down there every day, I would). He never fails to ask how the baby is and waves to me each time I go by the deli window.

In the patience of the nurse practitioner that I broke down in front of yesterday because I didnt feel that the staff was listening to me about Hope begin okay to be weaned. She let me rant and rave about how tired I was, how frustrated I was, how I was away from my 3 year old and my husband, how our adoption budget is way beyond maxed and I feel guilty even buying off the dollar menu at Mcdonalds on my way into the hospital each morning, how I was trying to change flight plans, rental car plans, etc because we never dreamed I would be here this long...Incidentally, after this little meltdown, she decided to start weaning Hope. :)

In the generosity of my amazing dad for springing for 2 more weeks in the wonderfully safe and comfortable apartment. Our budget was maxed and I was going to have to move into a budget hotel room with no kitchen or laundry services.


In the sacrifice that my mother in law has made to come spend a few weeks with Dan and Hollister. And my neighbors who have taken care of our trash, our lawn, our mail, my plants....

In the willingness of my camp volunteers to jump in and cover a lot of my job responsibilites. I'm the one that is paid to do this job and yet they are giving up so much of their time to make sure this camp for 165 cancer patients is going to happen.

In the never ending hard work of my husband to make sure no details are left undone. Who takes the time to call and check in frequently, while taking care of Hollister and going back to work full time.

In the constant texts and emails and calls (and fb posts) and prayers that my friends and family have kept up for me. It makes being here along so much easier. And while I cant reply to them all, everyone is appreciated so much.

In the absolutely precious face of this sweet little girl who found her way to us. In the end, it will all be worth it. There are so many things that can go wrong when a baby is born-and in the end, we are very lucky-she'll have no long term side effects of this. And while I will remember these days clearly, she will not. And I'm grateful for that.

In the meantime, I am loving the fact that she likes to snuggle and soaking up these moments with her.

So please keep up the prayers that her scores stay under an 8 and that we can head home soon.

Amy

Oh yeah-several of you have asked about her name:

Hope-This was a name that Dan and I have loved since college. We used to argue (back when we were "just friends" )about who would get married and have a daughter first and get to use that name. So that one was a given. It also helped that it went well with Hollister. :)

Aimelia-We decided on this one last minute. I wanted to use Amelia from the beginning but Dan did not love it. It was the nickname that my mom called me from the time I was little. Since Hollister has so much "family" history in his name, I wanted her to have something like that too. In the end, it was Dan's idea to use Aimelia and spell it differently since HIS nickname for me has always been Aim.

Marie-We wanted her to have a connection to her birth parents. Her birthmom's middle  name is Marie and that is also the middle name of one of her biological sisters and an aunt. On our side of the family, it is also the middle name of a great grandmother, a grandmother and 2 cousins. So we liked the fact that it combined her 2 families.

We dont know if we will hyphenate the Aimelia Marie when it comes time to finalize the adoption.  We've still got time. Any opinions?

Okay-Really going this time. Thanks for checking in. I'll try to update a little more about her status on FB now that I have shared some of the details, but am not sure when I will blog again. Every spare minute I have has been consumed with camp stuff.

Off to chat with today's Nurse Practitioner....Wish me luck.