We are Full of Hope

Well, I just spent 30 minutes trying to upload new pictures of us from this fall so I could blog about our latest events. However,  I'm going to have to have a blogginh lesson from my friend Amber because Photobucket and I are NOT getting along and Amber swears to me that this is the best way to upload copious amounts of photos to my blog. Right now...not happening.

So skipping ahead....Adoption!

Where to start?

Many of you have been walking this journey with us for almost 2 years. Some of you have jumped into the mix more recently and we are forever grateful. And there are still others whom we love dearly, but that we don't get to talk to and see often enough to really share everything that's been going on. So we did not deliberately leave anyone in the dark...please know that.

Back to the adoption.

Yesterday, I decide to just throw our adoption status out to the world on FB. Impersonal or not, this seems to be the best way to share big news. How I've waited for the past couple of years to share the news that Hollister would be getting a new baby brother or sister. Since the majority of the people I love most are on Facebook, I had planned that status update for a while. (cheesy-I know)

I know it sounds shallow, but seeing pregnancy updates for the past few years began to hurt. Just as much as phone calls or emails (though always well meaning) about another friend who was pregnant. It's no one's fault and I have certainly been happy for everyone. It's just difficult when it's not you. Over and over again. For us, it was just not happening. I won't go on and on about that part of the journey, because in the end it does not really matter. It will always be a part of this process, but recalling it all is just not where I am at now. I am so full of happiness and that part of the story is just kind of sad.

Dan and I put a lot of time and prayer into our next step. But once we made the decision, the ball started rolling and it has rolled really fast.

The long and short of it is that we made a decision in late October to move forward with adoption. 7 short weeks ago. Since then we've filled out mounds of paperwork, had a homestudy done, prayed fervently and begun the wait...

Adoption is a whole new world. It can be just as (if not more) stressful than the infertility journey. However, what I've learned is that is has changed who I am. Forever. I'm sure I will write more on that later, but here's the basic specs for those of you who have sent me lots of questions since yesterday.

Basically we chose to go with an adoption consultant. Someday I will share all the little details that played a part in the decisions that we have made but for now, it's enough to say that God has placed the most unbelievable people in our path over the past few months, and things have just been so clear.

Anyway, adoption consultant. An adoption consultant is there to walk along side you during adoption and to be your advocate. For my co-workers, it's kind of life Child Life for adoptive parents. They make the process a little less scary.  They are there to tell us if something is "typical" or not and ultimately they are the one that links us up with the birth mother who chooses us. Basically they have connections with multiple agencies so the thought is that you generally bring home a baby a little sooner than most. After 2 years of waiting, we are ready!

Well, sort of!!

Originally we thought that there was one piece of paperwork that would not be completed until February, so we were told that was the earliest that we would get her. (yes, right now we are planning on a HER!). However, that piece of paperwork came back last Saturday and so as of this week, it could be anytime. We viewed our first "birth mother profile" this week and had one of the most stressful days of our entire lives as we deliberated on whether this sweet little girl born last weekend could possibly be ours. In the end we decided that this was not our baby, but it sure did kickstart into getting ready. I have nothing decorated and not a bit of clothing. (since we thought we had a few months). We definitely realized how valuable our consultant was this week. We are so fortunate to have her.

But I keep digressing....

Here's how it works.

We have a very cool profile book that my talented husband put together. Basically an online PDF "book" that tells the story of our family.

Our consultant gets referrals of possible birth mothers and she lets us know if there might be one we'd be interested in. (she works with multiple families so she has to look for who might work best). We get to view information on the "situation" and then decide if we would like to proceed.

If we proceed, then we send our profile book to the agency that the birth mother is working with and she gets to view it. She may see only our book, or multiple ones-depending on how many other families have been contacted and are interested. If she chooses us, then we are a "match!" We then sign on with her agency. At that point there are lots of options. We might or might not meet her. Might or might not be at the birth (some babies are already born before we find out about them-depends on the situation). Might or might not have to stay in another state for weeks.

There are lots of variables. We've had to do lots of soul searching. There have been so many things to decide. Domestic vs international, Race, gender, possible drug exposure, open adoption vs. semi-open vs. closed, special needs....

The list goes on and on. It's taken a lot out of us. More than I ever imagined. But in the end, I know that God has a plan for the baby that will be given to us.

So the truth is (as we learned this week) that we wake up each day and it could be THE DAY. Since it is possible for  a birth mother to walk into a hospital, be in labor and announce that she would like her baby to be adopted-we have to be on call. At all times.

It is more likely, that we will get matched with someone who is due down the road at bit. In this case, we'll have some extra prep time.

But that also opens us up to knowing that a birth mother could change her mind. I'd say that this has been our biggest fear, but what I've learned is that if a birth mother decides that she has the resources to take care of her own child, then who am I to say different. I know we will feel differently at the time if this were to happen (and it is a realistic possibility with domestic adoption) but I also know that our baby is out there somewhere and when the timing is right, it will be right!

I say all of this because I probably won't be posting much about this along the way. It's crazy enough to be dealing with it on a daily basis and it takes a lot of you emotionally. My poor friend Jennifer had the (mis)fortune of processing this first profile with  me earlier in the week. Um....I think I was a bit crazy.   Many prayers were said for us on Tuesday and I can't thank those of you who were "in it" with us enough. However, it's not something I can relive over and over.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that one day you might just log on and see that the Warren's have a new member of the family. That's probably how it will play out. And we would be forever grateful for any and all prayers along the way. We have such wonderful friends and family. I have no doubt that we (and this baby) are incredibly loved.

I know this post is a bit scattered. As I said, it's all happened so fast, that some days it just does not feel real. As of this week though, it became our reality and so I felt like I wanted to share that.

Thanks again for all the wonderfully supportive comments, emails and calls. We are so excited about this. It's not what I had planned, not what I would have ever thought I would have chosen, but there is no doubt in my mind that it is the path that God has chosen for us to be on right now.

Keep checking in....it may be sometime next year, but I'm certain Hollister will be a big brother in the near future.

*And speaking of which-Hollister is very excited. He doesnt quite "get it" yet. Most kids get 9 months to get used to the idea. With him, it's such an abstract concept. However, we've been reading Big Brother books and talking about having a new baby. He tells us daily that he wants a baby "like Vannah" (his friend Savannah who is really not a baby anymore). :) I'm sure once we get started on the room (oh yeah-need to get on that!), it will become more real to him. And to us too!

Merry Christmas from the Warren's.

We'll see you next year...

(Or once I get photobucket figured out and can catch you up on our other fall activities)