Today is the Day!

5 Years!

Do you ever "hear" God? I mean really hear Him? With an absolute knowing that what he is telling you is absolutely true?

It hasn't happened to me many times in my life. That KNOWING...

But I knew for certain that I was supposed to marry Dan. I heard HIM. And thank goodness I obeyed. 

The past 5 years have not always been easy. I won't lie. Our marriage is not perfect. But it is perfectly us, and while there will always be parts of our relationship that need improvement, I have absolutely no doubt that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. 

When Dan and I got engaged, I will still pretty broken. My relationship history was not perfect-it was actually pretty disasterous. Trust was a foreign word to me, and relying on someone else was unthinkable.  I was going to do it all myself. There are still days that I fall back into that pattern, and it drives my husband crazy. As all men do, he has a "need to be needed" and I am not always good at demonstrating that need. For a long time, the only person I truly trusted was myself. Unfortunately, our first try at a relationship did not do a lot to facilitate my trust in any male, so Dan was up against his own history in addition to the scars that had been left by others. 

There has never been one moment since that weekend in Nashville that I have ever doubted Dan's loyalty, his love, his honor. He is the most trustworthy person I know. He actually always was. That's why our relationship did not work the first time. He was just so honest. About where he was, and what he was feeling at the time.  I just did not like what he had to say. But don't get me wrong, the second time around has been an entirely different story. The changes that he has gone through over the past 5 years have truly been life changing. It could only have been HIS work. And yet the core of who Dan is has never changed. 

We did not have an easy start. Just 6 weeks after our wedding, we found out my mom was sick. 5 months later I moved to Texas to take care of her. We spent the next 6 months in a fog, as I traveled back and forth. Giving my new husband attention did not rank high on my list. I got pregnant with Hollister one week after her funeral (unexpectedly), so not only did he have a grieving wife, but he also had to deal with a highly hormonal wife. One who threw up for 23 weeks. In the middle of all of this, we moved into our new house. This was the house we bought right before I left for Texas.  Dan had the fun-filled job of monitoring it's progress over the following 8 months and single handedly rented out our townhouse and moved us into the new house on his own. I was a basket case at that point. 

And then came Hollister. In all his fabulous glory. As parents, we have always been a team. But a new baby certainly added to the stress of our first 2 years. I'm not sure how he did it. I remember we met with our pre-marital counselor once in the midst of all of this. I'm sure I was blubbering at the time, but I distinctly remember Dan saying to the counselor, "Well, if we cant handle all of this better than we are, then how will we handle the rest of our lives?" The counselor looked at him in amazement and said, "Dan, the first year that you had together just doesn't happen to people. It is unheard of. Go easy on yourselves!"

That's my husband-the perfectionist. Somehow he held us together. When you add in his work ethic, his moral code, the fact that he is an absolutely incredible father with a fabulous singing voice and an ever-increasing love for God..... I came out super lucky! 

When we chose to write our own vows, we each included thing that were important to us. I promised to learn to cook (a vow I am still working on) and Dan promised not just to hear, but to listen (a skill he is still working on too!)  But the one line that we agreed upon beforehand-that we both recited at the end of our individual vows was this...

"I  promise to love you more today than yesterday, and I'll say it again tomorrow!"

So did I love Dan when I married him on that warm fall afternoon 5 years ago? Absolutely!

But I love him even more today, and I'll say it again tomorrow. 

Happy Anniversary Danny.....I'm so glad we chose the Road Less Traveled. 

Thanks for traipsing down Memory Lane with me over the past 10 days. Many of you walked this journey with us and are walking it with us still. 

Stay tuned next week as I post pictures from the Anniversary Trip that we are leaving for today. One thing I realized today is that we have very few pictures of just the 2 of  us together since Holl was born. So that will be my goal this weekend (well, one of them anyway!). 

Have a great weekend.